Childhood Memories: September 4, 1971 . Fifty Years Ago

I was a senior in high school.

As I sit down to write this post, my heart is filled with so many memories from this day. We didn't have TV and only had a small black battery operated radio on the homestead.

I was listening to the radio station KFQD, and the news came on. Alaska Airlines, Flight 1866 crashed into a mountain near Juneau, Alaska. It was a 727-100 carrying 111 souls on board. All on board perished.

Onboard was a classmate that had just graduated from Homer High School that May, and he was on his way to Sheldon Jackson College in Sitka.

I would like to remember Kelly Sutherland tonight. We weren't close, but our high school was close knit. He was only one grade above mine. I remember his smile and black hair with those black glasses. He was a friend with a lot of my friends. I also have a close friend who could of been on that flight with Kelly but circumstances intervened and he took another path in life.

Fifty years is a long time and yet, to those who have left us, no matter how long ago, may we never forget their lives and the impact they have had on each of us. Their lives mattered. Kelly, your life mattered. I remember you and will never forget.

Memories of days gone by: Going Home

I took a trip to my hometown yesterday to attend a celebration of life for someone dear. Our closest neighbor from the homestead where we grew up on the North Fork. Thank you, Harold Engebretsen and wife Edith,  for all the investment you poured into the lives of my parents and into our family. The Lord planted us right beside you because He knew we needed you!

During my 4.5 hour drive, I played and replayed a new CD from Carrie Underwood I had bought. She was singing all the old hymns I grew up with. I was quite surprised that I remembered at least 98% of the words and I haven't sung them for over 21 years. When we left Alaska in 1999 we attended churches that did not sing hymns, but the new traditional choruses. That's a whole other blog...but for now, I loved singing at the top of my lungs as I jetted down the highway in my trusty Subaru. 

Singing the hymns brought out so many emotions and memories. Remembering the days of Christian Community Church and all my years there. I could hear Pastor Ray belting out the songs and sometimes messing up the words, which only endeared us more to him. I could see Galen Gordon leading worship and later on Ken Fisher leading us.

I was remembering Sunday nights and the personal testimonies that many shared. The realness and rawness of people's hearts were seen and we all gathered around and cared. 

I was remembering the times that the Holy Spirit stirred within my heart and I found myself at the altar weeping before the Lord. I remember Marcy Gordon singing a solo and it wasn't even an altar call at the end of the service and yet, I found myself getting out of my seat and walking forward and knelt at the altar and poured my heart out before the Lord. 

Singing these hymns stirred such a longing in my heart to find myself again at the altar before the Lord. I have been back many times since I moved away 21 years ago but this time it was different. This time, there was a longing within my heart to find Him again, hear His voice and weep before the altar. 

There really is something about going home.

The Rutted Path Around The Familiar Mountain

A year ago, I came to a place in my life that I have been many times before. A place, that I was tired of coming to. A place that spoke failure and defeat to me each time I found myself there. I could clearly see the deeply ingrained rutted paths that I had left before and tried previously to walk around this huge mountain.  On this day, March 12th, 2018, I was going to try to walk this very familiar path again. How many times have I tried and failed? Too many.

All my adult life I have battled with my weight. It has consumed me and I was always so self conscious of it. Through the years there have been things I haven't done or gone to because of my weight. It was no one else's problem but my own. I didn't have health issues to make me overweight. In all honesty I just love to eat. McDonald french fries are my weakness.

I don't know exactly what spurred within my heart that morning in March.  I just knew that I was going to try again and I held out hope that I would find what I needed to conquer this battle in my life. These are the things that I knew that morning. (not in order of importance)


1. I wanted to be healthy most of all
2. I wanted to enjoy the moments and not think about my weight anymore
3. I wanted to be there for my grandkids
4. I had a big class reunion coming up many months down the road
5. I've always dreamed of that little black dress for my hero
6. I wanted to be a testimony of the Lord helping me conquer something I needed His grace and help to achieve. Part of the fruit of the spirit is self control.
   

The one year mark is almost here and I am only a few pounds shy of the 80 pounds I wanted to lose. I feel fantastic.  I have so much more energy and really notice it when I have to run up the jet way to open the door for the passengers before they get there. 

I found a plan that worked for me. It doesn't work for everyone. It was what I know the Lord placed on my heart and I followed through. My hubby was so supportive and he's even lost 20 or more pounds by eating healthier too. It is a plan that just helped me with choices and moderation. There is nothing I cannot eat. The bottom line is, it really is about choices. I just needed some help making them. I so totally understand the self consciousness, the shame, the pain, the discouragement, the tears and hearts of all of us who have struggled in this area.

It's not about what size I wear or the number on the scale. It's about being healthy to be able to accomplish all that the Lord has for me in my years remaining.

The Lord has been faithful, giving me the grace to be committed and faithful to something that had been very difficult for me. It's such a wonderful feeling to not be so consumed with what I look like and just be me. I don't even think about my weight now unless someone mentions it! I'm just enjoying the moments and events and places I go. It's wonderful!

Now, on to the next issue He wants to work on in my life!

He Is In The Waiting...

Slow down, take time
Breath in He said
He's reveal what's to come
The thoughts in His mind
Always higher than mine
He'll reveal all to come

Take courage my heart
Stay steadfast my soul
He's in the waiting
He's in the waiting
And hold onto your hope
As your triumph unfolds
He's never failing
He's never failing

Sing praise my soul
Find strength in joy
Let His words lead you on
Do not forget
His great faithfulness
He'll finish all He's begun

And you who hold the stars
Who call them each by name
Will surely keep, your promise to me
That I will rise, in Your victory
And You who hold the stars
Who call them each by name
Will surely keep, your promise to me
That I will rise, in Your victory.

Take courage my heart
Stay steadfast my soul
He's in the waiting
He's in the waiting
Hold onto your hope
As your triumph unfolds
He's never failing
He's never failing

He's in the waiting

The words above are from a profound song I heard for the first time this weekend. What a song packed with deep powerful words. He's in the waiting.

How many times have we just wanted to get through"whatever" it is we are going through, waiting for the Lord to answer those deepest cries of our hearts. But, it is during the waiting, He is there and we can find Him in that place. He wants us to find Him there. It is not, let's just get through this season so I can see my prayers fulfilled. It is also a season that we find Him in ways He longs to meet. He is there in our waiting.

A Moment In Time...

"For every moment recorded in history, there is a moment just before that moment. It's there we have a final chance to make an impact. Remember this today as you begin to speak words that will become someone else's history. Moments are extremely powerful...words and actions happened the moment before the moments we most remember.... BETH MOORE ( my favorite Bible teacher)

The Summer Olympics 2016 just ended in Rio. With all the glory and gold and medals won, there is a tarnished memory from the games: The incident concerning Ryan Lochte, the swimmer.  I don't know the young man nor his friends, but I do know that "a moment in time" now has changed his life drastically and in front of the whole world.

It is a lesson for all of us. These young men all had "a moment in time", before the moment they decided to act foolishly. What if, if "in that moment" before the moment they made the poor choices, they thought it through and decided to make wise choices, the outcome would be completely different today.

I am not condemning this young man nor his friends, but they have given us all an object lesson for our lives.

In a single instance, a foolish choice can alter the direction of our lives. I remember reading a news article about a young man that was being punished by the court for a crime and the young man's father quoted, "my son should not have to pay for the rest of his life for something he did for 15 minutes of his life".

Yes, father of the young man.... there are consequences to the choices we all make. Whether it was 15 minutes of our lives or 15 hours. 

I am reminded of the phrase, there go I, but by the grace of God. In those moments before we make a foolish decision or lash out hurtful words, may we pause and think it through and choose wisely.

Our lives are full of moments...

Sometimes there are no words.....

Dear Ones,

This last week has brought some tremendous pain and sorrow to some very dear people that I know in Oregon. Two women, who were my friends there, lost daughters ages 24 and 27 in separate tragic accidents on the same day, July 31st, 2016.

Life came to a standstill,  and will never be the same for them again. My heart has had a hard time trying to comprehend the sorrow and devastating accidents that occurred. I have been trying all week to wrap my heart around it all, and there are no words.

No words...... I remember when my mother was killed in a car accident in 1992. So many people cared and reached out. One thing I remember most though,  and I often repeated to my hubby, is that no matter what anyone said or did, they could not give me what I wanted .... they could not bring my mom back to me.  There were no words. There are no words.

But the presence of ones who love you and reach out to you, you do remember.  And the ones who prayed and brought you before the throne room of grace are your angels.

Tonight I remember Sydney Craft and Melissa Gibson for their beautiful smiles and beautiful hearts. My mother's heart can hardly bear the sorrow for their mother's hearts.

Love today, forgive today, enjoy today.... we are never guarenteed tomorrow.

What Sarah Palin Taught Me Today

Today I found myself in a setting with Sarah Palin. In fact, she was sitting right behind me as we were attending the same event.

She took the opportunity to stand up and share from her heart, something non political, something very dear about a very precious person who had been in her life.

As she was speaking and then sat down, I was overwhelmed with a conclusion that my heart deeply grasped.

It doesn't matter what side of the political banter you find yourself on. It doesn't matter if you agree or disagree with her. It doesn't matter what you think of her or her family.  What matters is: She knows who she is, what the Lord has called her to, and speaks from that assurance.  Oh, I am sure she is quite human like the rest of us and has her share of tears, and yet, she is confident in what she believes is right and walks it out in whatever setting she finds herself in.  She is not hindered by people's opinion. Those opinions do not control her.  She speaks freely and unashamed.

What a valuable lesson she taught me today. I want to live like that.