Moses, has always been my favorite Bible character. I am reading the book by Charles Swindoll, "Moses, A Man of Selfless Dedication" and I love the insight that Swindoll brings into Moses life and the season and time he lived.
I think what I first loved about Moses, besides being a little baby boy, and put in the reeds of the Nile, to escape death and having my mother heart ache as I think about such a moment, is the fact that he put up with over a million grumbling people at one time.
Think about it. We are all leaders to someone. Life consists of all sorts of people and personalities. We know what it feels like to have someone grumble when we are trying to lead and ask them to do something, and we have grumbled ourselves. But, can you imagine being a leader over a million people and listening to all them grumble? Yikes, Calgon take me away!!!
The book also goes into a lot of details about the "wilderness". My favorite line is "His schooling includes time in the wilderness. That's where He gets our attention". All of us have found ourselves at some time or another in the "wilderness". A lonely, abandoned, desolate place where we feel all alone and think that the Lord of heaven has forgotten us.
"The Wilderness" will be another post, at another time. For now, as I continue to delve into the book, and have the Lord speak to my heart during this season of my life, I hope to share some of the insights the Lord shows me.
P.S. I still have always thought it wasn't fair that Moses didn't get to enter the promised land, because of one of his actions.... but then, I am reminded again that we as leaders have a great responsibility to obedience.....
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Monday, August 29, 2011
A Tender Heart....
From the moment I heard that my first grandchild was on the way, I began praying for a child that would be tender.
My precious Taylor, who is now 9, has the most tender heart I have seen in a child. She is honest, and kind, and thoughtful and sensitive and loves her parents and her grandparents. She loves Jesus too!
She is learning about growing up and all the blastings of the world's standards. She is learning what is appropriate to talk about with her friends and what is only appropriate to talk about with her parents. Life's lessons for her are stepping up and her tender conscience and heart are at work. I wish I could protect her from the harshness of the world, but I know I cannot. Oh Lord, protect this precious girl and keep her always in the center of Your hands. May her heart always remain tender to the promptings of Your Spirit. The plans You have for her are precious and good. I again trust her to you...... Taylor Jean Garrels, you are an absolute joy to my heart and will always be grandma's princess. I love you to the moon and back again and again. I will never stop praying for you!
Monday, August 22, 2011
The Crumbling Pedestal....
Have you ever admired someone, only to have them deeply disappoint you? I think we have all been there. Many years ago the Lord did such a deep work in my heart about putting those ones I admire up on a "pedestal"...for they will surely fall off and then we can find ourselves disillusioned, disappointed and sometimes angry.
The Lord is the only one who will not disappoint or fail us. We as people, no matter how hard we try, will find ourselves at times, either saying, or doing the wrong things and hurting one another. The grace of the Lord is there to cover us, for which I am humbly thankful for.
We are all on this same journey of life, and yet, each one's path is different. Yes, there are ones we can admire and look up to and are examples to us. But they are people just like us.
It goes both ways.... I never want to be on anyone's pedestal, for I know I will fall off pretty quickly or have already fallen off. I am just me, walking this journey of life, longing to be obedient to my Jesus and all He asks of me.
So, let's tip those pedestals over!
The Lord is the only one who will not disappoint or fail us. We as people, no matter how hard we try, will find ourselves at times, either saying, or doing the wrong things and hurting one another. The grace of the Lord is there to cover us, for which I am humbly thankful for.
We are all on this same journey of life, and yet, each one's path is different. Yes, there are ones we can admire and look up to and are examples to us. But they are people just like us.
It goes both ways.... I never want to be on anyone's pedestal, for I know I will fall off pretty quickly or have already fallen off. I am just me, walking this journey of life, longing to be obedient to my Jesus and all He asks of me.
So, let's tip those pedestals over!
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree....
Oops...it is not Christmas, wrong holiday...I should be singing "Happy Birthday" :} I am up savoring my last few moments of being 56 years old...YIKES, that sounds incredibly old. I can remember the day my mom turned 30 and I thought she was getting old. I was only 15 then, and a sophomore in high school.
Birthdays give you a time to stop and reflex upon one's life, dreams, visions, perspectives and priorities. But also this year, it has stopped me in my tracks to consider the "legacy" I will be leaving behind for those that follow. What am I leaving to my children and grandchildren and great grandchildren, besides the book I am taking forever to write about my childhood on the homestead in Alaska, and the grace of God that so incredibly worked in my heart and in the lives of my family.
The frailty of life has become so real to me these last few months, as death and birth have been a part of my surroundings. Life really is fleeting. It goes by so fast and have we made a difference? Have our lives counted for more than it being all about "us"?
I want to make a difference in the lives of the ones I love. A difference that would cause them to want to be more like Jesus and pursue Him with their whole hearts. Not a "Sunday School" religion. I want to leave a legacy of faithfulness and obedience. Not one of perfection, but one of realness and honesty. One who wasn't afraid to admit failure, repent, and get up and go on again, understanding the Lord's forgiveness.
Oh, I wish I could see down the family line for the next 50 years and see if the legacy I have left them, drew them to Jesus. But, I can't see that far...I can only see 2 generations down and my whole heart yearns for them to see Jesus and His incredible grace through my life.
I could conquer the world (whatever that means), be a billionaire (I promise Lord I would give lots away, if I won the lottery), lasso the moon (Jimmy Stewart), have lots of "things" and "possessions".... but the most important thing to me, is my family. Nothing else compares to them walking with the Lord. Nothing!
Justin, Jessica, Taylor, Tanner, Tristan, Mike, Laci, Laura, and all the future "grandkids" and future son-in-law, ... You are all my heart. The legacy I desire and will always yearn to pursue will be for you.... because you are a part of me.
My heart cries out to you Lord, to continue your good work in my heart to make me more like You, so I can leave the legacy my heart desires to those that come behind me.
Birthdays give you a time to stop and reflex upon one's life, dreams, visions, perspectives and priorities. But also this year, it has stopped me in my tracks to consider the "legacy" I will be leaving behind for those that follow. What am I leaving to my children and grandchildren and great grandchildren, besides the book I am taking forever to write about my childhood on the homestead in Alaska, and the grace of God that so incredibly worked in my heart and in the lives of my family.
The frailty of life has become so real to me these last few months, as death and birth have been a part of my surroundings. Life really is fleeting. It goes by so fast and have we made a difference? Have our lives counted for more than it being all about "us"?
I want to make a difference in the lives of the ones I love. A difference that would cause them to want to be more like Jesus and pursue Him with their whole hearts. Not a "Sunday School" religion. I want to leave a legacy of faithfulness and obedience. Not one of perfection, but one of realness and honesty. One who wasn't afraid to admit failure, repent, and get up and go on again, understanding the Lord's forgiveness.
Oh, I wish I could see down the family line for the next 50 years and see if the legacy I have left them, drew them to Jesus. But, I can't see that far...I can only see 2 generations down and my whole heart yearns for them to see Jesus and His incredible grace through my life.
I could conquer the world (whatever that means), be a billionaire (I promise Lord I would give lots away, if I won the lottery), lasso the moon (Jimmy Stewart), have lots of "things" and "possessions".... but the most important thing to me, is my family. Nothing else compares to them walking with the Lord. Nothing!
Justin, Jessica, Taylor, Tanner, Tristan, Mike, Laci, Laura, and all the future "grandkids" and future son-in-law, ... You are all my heart. The legacy I desire and will always yearn to pursue will be for you.... because you are a part of me.
My heart cries out to you Lord, to continue your good work in my heart to make me more like You, so I can leave the legacy my heart desires to those that come behind me.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
A "Now" Word....
There are times in our lives, where we go before the Lord and ask Him for a response to our requests. Sometimes, the responses come right away, and sometimes it is in His plan and heart for us that the answer is to come at a later time. Today, I am asking the Lord for a "now" response.
There is a deep issue in my heart that I need the Lord to resolve. That I need Him to clearly show me now, and not 2 months from now. I know it sounds presumptuous, but I also know that the Lord is in the "now" business as well as the "later" business. So, as we have said over and over in our lives, "it doesn't hurt to ask".
I know His heart is good and He is faithful. I know I am His daughter and that He understands and sees each chamber of my heart and what each contains. I know He is trustworthy.
May I find His grace to whatever His responses are to my heart's cry.
There is a deep issue in my heart that I need the Lord to resolve. That I need Him to clearly show me now, and not 2 months from now. I know it sounds presumptuous, but I also know that the Lord is in the "now" business as well as the "later" business. So, as we have said over and over in our lives, "it doesn't hurt to ask".
I know His heart is good and He is faithful. I know I am His daughter and that He understands and sees each chamber of my heart and what each contains. I know He is trustworthy.
May I find His grace to whatever His responses are to my heart's cry.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Funeral to Family Reunion
My precious dad was diagnosed with Mesothelioma in November. It is a cancer of the lung that there is no cure for, medically. I flew up to Alaska in February to spend time with him and had a wonderful visit.
Last Monday, I received a call from several siblings saying that dad had taken a turn for the worst, and I better get up there if I wanted to see him again, alive. Alaska Airlines, flew Jim and I FREE all the way to Homer, Alaska and back with confirmed seating. What a wonderful perk of being one of their employees. We flew into Homer, to save much time on the road traveling, so we could get there in time to say goodbye.
All 8 of the siblings flew in, as far away as Louisiana, and we have not been together in 19 years. Uncle Ken was there to pick us up at the Homer Airport and drove us right out to see dad. Dad had come home from Providence Hospital in Anchorage because he wanted to die at home.
As I saw my dad, laying there, fighting for his life with every breath, it was almost more than this daughter heart could contain. He seemed so weak and so vulnerable. As I sat there watching him, I was asking myself the question, " Which is worse, the way my mom's sudden death in the car accident was, or sitting here watching someone you love suffer till death?" I came to the conclusion that NEITHER is better. They are both horrible.
Each of us took turns sitting with dad, so he wouldn't be alone. A couple times I had the midnight to 3am shift. Well, I fell asleep during one of them and Auntie Vicki had to fill in for me. It was a good time to sit in silence and pray and just be.... having my heart flooded with memories from childhood, and the legacy that my dad is leaving to all of us. The legacy of loving Jesus and serving Him with our whole hearts.
On Saturday, my dad suddenly took a turn for the better. We couldn't believe it. I was doing my shift and about 3am in the morning my dad opens the door, is dressed and I said, "Dad, are you okay?, what are you doing?" He spoke legibly and just as clear as could be and said, " I am not tired and want to come out here and be with all of you!" We sat in amazement..... He sat out with a few of us for about 15 minutes and then said, he was tired and went back to bed, and has continued to improve each day since then. On Sunday, he wanted to go out for a HAMBURGER.... He also went to get some tests done and all the liquid around his heart is GONE.... He is breathing good, he is talking, he is just like he was when I came up in February. It really is a miracle, there are no other words for it. The cardiologist gave him 2 days....
We are witnessing a miracle and calling him Hezekiah. (Read 2 Kings 20:1-6) I don't know how many days my dad has left. But 15 years sounds really good.
All 8 of kids, plus many grandkids that came, were able to say goodbye and hug their dad and grampa. He was also able to hold each of our hands and with tears share the goodness and miracle of God in his life. We have now each started to journey to our homes, knowing that the time together was right, and good, and ordained, and precious.
Being all together after so many years was a gift. We took many pictures, laughed our heads off, cried our tears, said our prayers, ate tons of food brought in by loving people and just made more memories to cherish and hold on to.
I can say this. God is faithful and God is good. And I also will add, even if the Lord would of taken my dad home at this time, I would still say, my God is faithful and my God is good. And we would of wept a lot, but we would not of wept as one who has no hope.
I love my family. It is such a gift to belong to such a family. So to Dad & Gail, Debby, Marie, Bobby, Kenneth, Valerie, Vicki and Mark, thank you for caring, for all the memories and laughter and tears. It is a wonderful gift to know we have each other. I know mom would be so blessed by her family.
Last Monday, I received a call from several siblings saying that dad had taken a turn for the worst, and I better get up there if I wanted to see him again, alive. Alaska Airlines, flew Jim and I FREE all the way to Homer, Alaska and back with confirmed seating. What a wonderful perk of being one of their employees. We flew into Homer, to save much time on the road traveling, so we could get there in time to say goodbye.
All 8 of the siblings flew in, as far away as Louisiana, and we have not been together in 19 years. Uncle Ken was there to pick us up at the Homer Airport and drove us right out to see dad. Dad had come home from Providence Hospital in Anchorage because he wanted to die at home.
As I saw my dad, laying there, fighting for his life with every breath, it was almost more than this daughter heart could contain. He seemed so weak and so vulnerable. As I sat there watching him, I was asking myself the question, " Which is worse, the way my mom's sudden death in the car accident was, or sitting here watching someone you love suffer till death?" I came to the conclusion that NEITHER is better. They are both horrible.
Each of us took turns sitting with dad, so he wouldn't be alone. A couple times I had the midnight to 3am shift. Well, I fell asleep during one of them and Auntie Vicki had to fill in for me. It was a good time to sit in silence and pray and just be.... having my heart flooded with memories from childhood, and the legacy that my dad is leaving to all of us. The legacy of loving Jesus and serving Him with our whole hearts.
On Saturday, my dad suddenly took a turn for the better. We couldn't believe it. I was doing my shift and about 3am in the morning my dad opens the door, is dressed and I said, "Dad, are you okay?, what are you doing?" He spoke legibly and just as clear as could be and said, " I am not tired and want to come out here and be with all of you!" We sat in amazement..... He sat out with a few of us for about 15 minutes and then said, he was tired and went back to bed, and has continued to improve each day since then. On Sunday, he wanted to go out for a HAMBURGER.... He also went to get some tests done and all the liquid around his heart is GONE.... He is breathing good, he is talking, he is just like he was when I came up in February. It really is a miracle, there are no other words for it. The cardiologist gave him 2 days....
We are witnessing a miracle and calling him Hezekiah. (Read 2 Kings 20:1-6) I don't know how many days my dad has left. But 15 years sounds really good.
All 8 of kids, plus many grandkids that came, were able to say goodbye and hug their dad and grampa. He was also able to hold each of our hands and with tears share the goodness and miracle of God in his life. We have now each started to journey to our homes, knowing that the time together was right, and good, and ordained, and precious.
Being all together after so many years was a gift. We took many pictures, laughed our heads off, cried our tears, said our prayers, ate tons of food brought in by loving people and just made more memories to cherish and hold on to.
I can say this. God is faithful and God is good. And I also will add, even if the Lord would of taken my dad home at this time, I would still say, my God is faithful and my God is good. And we would of wept a lot, but we would not of wept as one who has no hope.
I love my family. It is such a gift to belong to such a family. So to Dad & Gail, Debby, Marie, Bobby, Kenneth, Valerie, Vicki and Mark, thank you for caring, for all the memories and laughter and tears. It is a wonderful gift to know we have each other. I know mom would be so blessed by her family.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
12 Years Ago......July 16th, 1999
Oh Lord, you have been so faithful to the deep cries of my heart. It was 12 years ago today, that you took us from our beautiful home in the most absolutely gorgeous place in all the world, Homer,Alaska, to bring us to a place in Oregon where we could find grace and healing for our hearts.
We left with so much pain and heartache over circumstances and the Lord knew that for us to be free and whole again, and to find the healing we needed, and that He longed for us to receive, that we had to leave where we were. Our hearts were desperate for His touch.
Even as I write this blog, so many emotions flood my soul. Tears come easily to my eyes. I left my family, people I loved dearly, and my heart in Alaska, but knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Lord opened the door, prepared the way, and ordained Canby New Life Foursquare in His plans for us. He knew, this would be the place that we would find what our hearts so desperately needed.
If I could only use one word to describe the last 12 years, I would use GRACE. Over and over the Lord has done His work of grace in my heart and continues to do so. It has been a season of healing through tears, valleys, mountaintops, joy, sorrow, repentance, worship, in His Word, and putting myself in places where the Spirit of God is, so I can receive from Him. He also placed significant people in my life to help me along this journey.
I can honestly say that He has healed my heart and made me whole and I have found the Lord Jesus in ways that I have only ever dreamed about.
His work is not over in my life. This has just been one season. My heart continues to press on, to knowing Him deeper and loving Him more. I am thankful I serve a God that sees. He sees the past, He sees the now, and He sees the future. He knows what we need. Oh Lord, keep my heart soft and tender and my ears sensitive to your voice always. And may I always say YES to you, no matter how painful that choice may be. Knowing that You always have our best interest in your heart.
We said yes to you 12 years ago, even though we left so much of our hearts in Alaska, but what we have gained in our souls has been worth every tear!
Thank you Lord for your faithfulness and the extent you went to, to do the deep work in our hearts You knew we longed for. I will always serve you, Lord, always.
p.s. Lord, I would love it, if it is in your heart, to send us back to Alaska someday soon....I am trusting you with this portion of my heart...
We left with so much pain and heartache over circumstances and the Lord knew that for us to be free and whole again, and to find the healing we needed, and that He longed for us to receive, that we had to leave where we were. Our hearts were desperate for His touch.
Even as I write this blog, so many emotions flood my soul. Tears come easily to my eyes. I left my family, people I loved dearly, and my heart in Alaska, but knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Lord opened the door, prepared the way, and ordained Canby New Life Foursquare in His plans for us. He knew, this would be the place that we would find what our hearts so desperately needed.
If I could only use one word to describe the last 12 years, I would use GRACE. Over and over the Lord has done His work of grace in my heart and continues to do so. It has been a season of healing through tears, valleys, mountaintops, joy, sorrow, repentance, worship, in His Word, and putting myself in places where the Spirit of God is, so I can receive from Him. He also placed significant people in my life to help me along this journey.
I can honestly say that He has healed my heart and made me whole and I have found the Lord Jesus in ways that I have only ever dreamed about.
His work is not over in my life. This has just been one season. My heart continues to press on, to knowing Him deeper and loving Him more. I am thankful I serve a God that sees. He sees the past, He sees the now, and He sees the future. He knows what we need. Oh Lord, keep my heart soft and tender and my ears sensitive to your voice always. And may I always say YES to you, no matter how painful that choice may be. Knowing that You always have our best interest in your heart.
We said yes to you 12 years ago, even though we left so much of our hearts in Alaska, but what we have gained in our souls has been worth every tear!
Thank you Lord for your faithfulness and the extent you went to, to do the deep work in our hearts You knew we longed for. I will always serve you, Lord, always.
p.s. Lord, I would love it, if it is in your heart, to send us back to Alaska someday soon....I am trusting you with this portion of my heart...
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