Childhood Memories: September 4, 1971 . Fifty Years Ago

I was a senior in high school.

As I sit down to write this post, my heart is filled with so many memories from this day. We didn't have TV and only had a small black battery operated radio on the homestead.

I was listening to the radio station KFQD, and the news came on. Alaska Airlines, Flight 1866 crashed into a mountain near Juneau, Alaska. It was a 727-100 carrying 111 souls on board. All on board perished.

Onboard was a classmate that had just graduated from Homer High School that May, and he was on his way to Sheldon Jackson College in Sitka.

I would like to remember Kelly Sutherland tonight. We weren't close, but our high school was close knit. He was only one grade above mine. I remember his smile and black hair with those black glasses. He was a friend with a lot of my friends. I also have a close friend who could of been on that flight with Kelly but circumstances intervened and he took another path in life.

Fifty years is a long time and yet, to those who have left us, no matter how long ago, may we never forget their lives and the impact they have had on each of us. Their lives mattered. Kelly, your life mattered. I remember you and will never forget.

Memories of days gone by: Going Home

I took a trip to my hometown yesterday to attend a celebration of life for someone dear. Our closest neighbor from the homestead where we grew up on the North Fork. Thank you, Harold Engebretsen and wife Edith,  for all the investment you poured into the lives of my parents and into our family. The Lord planted us right beside you because He knew we needed you!

During my 4.5 hour drive, I played and replayed a new CD from Carrie Underwood I had bought. She was singing all the old hymns I grew up with. I was quite surprised that I remembered at least 98% of the words and I haven't sung them for over 21 years. When we left Alaska in 1999 we attended churches that did not sing hymns, but the new traditional choruses. That's a whole other blog...but for now, I loved singing at the top of my lungs as I jetted down the highway in my trusty Subaru. 

Singing the hymns brought out so many emotions and memories. Remembering the days of Christian Community Church and all my years there. I could hear Pastor Ray belting out the songs and sometimes messing up the words, which only endeared us more to him. I could see Galen Gordon leading worship and later on Ken Fisher leading us.

I was remembering Sunday nights and the personal testimonies that many shared. The realness and rawness of people's hearts were seen and we all gathered around and cared. 

I was remembering the times that the Holy Spirit stirred within my heart and I found myself at the altar weeping before the Lord. I remember Marcy Gordon singing a solo and it wasn't even an altar call at the end of the service and yet, I found myself getting out of my seat and walking forward and knelt at the altar and poured my heart out before the Lord. 

Singing these hymns stirred such a longing in my heart to find myself again at the altar before the Lord. I have been back many times since I moved away 21 years ago but this time it was different. This time, there was a longing within my heart to find Him again, hear His voice and weep before the altar. 

There really is something about going home.

The Rutted Path Around The Familiar Mountain

A year ago, I came to a place in my life that I have been many times before. A place, that I was tired of coming to. A place that spoke failure and defeat to me each time I found myself there. I could clearly see the deeply ingrained rutted paths that I had left before and tried previously to walk around this huge mountain.  On this day, March 12th, 2018, I was going to try to walk this very familiar path again. How many times have I tried and failed? Too many.

All my adult life I have battled with my weight. It has consumed me and I was always so self conscious of it. Through the years there have been things I haven't done or gone to because of my weight. It was no one else's problem but my own. I didn't have health issues to make me overweight. In all honesty I just love to eat. McDonald french fries are my weakness.

I don't know exactly what spurred within my heart that morning in March.  I just knew that I was going to try again and I held out hope that I would find what I needed to conquer this battle in my life. These are the things that I knew that morning. (not in order of importance)


1. I wanted to be healthy most of all
2. I wanted to enjoy the moments and not think about my weight anymore
3. I wanted to be there for my grandkids
4. I had a big class reunion coming up many months down the road
5. I've always dreamed of that little black dress for my hero
6. I wanted to be a testimony of the Lord helping me conquer something I needed His grace and help to achieve. Part of the fruit of the spirit is self control.
   

The one year mark is almost here and I am only a few pounds shy of the 80 pounds I wanted to lose. I feel fantastic.  I have so much more energy and really notice it when I have to run up the jet way to open the door for the passengers before they get there. 

I found a plan that worked for me. It doesn't work for everyone. It was what I know the Lord placed on my heart and I followed through. My hubby was so supportive and he's even lost 20 or more pounds by eating healthier too. It is a plan that just helped me with choices and moderation. There is nothing I cannot eat. The bottom line is, it really is about choices. I just needed some help making them. I so totally understand the self consciousness, the shame, the pain, the discouragement, the tears and hearts of all of us who have struggled in this area.

It's not about what size I wear or the number on the scale. It's about being healthy to be able to accomplish all that the Lord has for me in my years remaining.

The Lord has been faithful, giving me the grace to be committed and faithful to something that had been very difficult for me. It's such a wonderful feeling to not be so consumed with what I look like and just be me. I don't even think about my weight now unless someone mentions it! I'm just enjoying the moments and events and places I go. It's wonderful!

Now, on to the next issue He wants to work on in my life!

He Is In The Waiting...

Slow down, take time
Breath in He said
He's reveal what's to come
The thoughts in His mind
Always higher than mine
He'll reveal all to come

Take courage my heart
Stay steadfast my soul
He's in the waiting
He's in the waiting
And hold onto your hope
As your triumph unfolds
He's never failing
He's never failing

Sing praise my soul
Find strength in joy
Let His words lead you on
Do not forget
His great faithfulness
He'll finish all He's begun

And you who hold the stars
Who call them each by name
Will surely keep, your promise to me
That I will rise, in Your victory
And You who hold the stars
Who call them each by name
Will surely keep, your promise to me
That I will rise, in Your victory.

Take courage my heart
Stay steadfast my soul
He's in the waiting
He's in the waiting
Hold onto your hope
As your triumph unfolds
He's never failing
He's never failing

He's in the waiting

The words above are from a profound song I heard for the first time this weekend. What a song packed with deep powerful words. He's in the waiting.

How many times have we just wanted to get through"whatever" it is we are going through, waiting for the Lord to answer those deepest cries of our hearts. But, it is during the waiting, He is there and we can find Him in that place. He wants us to find Him there. It is not, let's just get through this season so I can see my prayers fulfilled. It is also a season that we find Him in ways He longs to meet. He is there in our waiting.

A Moment In Time...

"For every moment recorded in history, there is a moment just before that moment. It's there we have a final chance to make an impact. Remember this today as you begin to speak words that will become someone else's history. Moments are extremely powerful...words and actions happened the moment before the moments we most remember.... BETH MOORE ( my favorite Bible teacher)

The Summer Olympics 2016 just ended in Rio. With all the glory and gold and medals won, there is a tarnished memory from the games: The incident concerning Ryan Lochte, the swimmer.  I don't know the young man nor his friends, but I do know that "a moment in time" now has changed his life drastically and in front of the whole world.

It is a lesson for all of us. These young men all had "a moment in time", before the moment they decided to act foolishly. What if, if "in that moment" before the moment they made the poor choices, they thought it through and decided to make wise choices, the outcome would be completely different today.

I am not condemning this young man nor his friends, but they have given us all an object lesson for our lives.

In a single instance, a foolish choice can alter the direction of our lives. I remember reading a news article about a young man that was being punished by the court for a crime and the young man's father quoted, "my son should not have to pay for the rest of his life for something he did for 15 minutes of his life".

Yes, father of the young man.... there are consequences to the choices we all make. Whether it was 15 minutes of our lives or 15 hours. 

I am reminded of the phrase, there go I, but by the grace of God. In those moments before we make a foolish decision or lash out hurtful words, may we pause and think it through and choose wisely.

Our lives are full of moments...

Sometimes there are no words.....

Dear Ones,

This last week has brought some tremendous pain and sorrow to some very dear people that I know in Oregon. Two women, who were my friends there, lost daughters ages 24 and 27 in separate tragic accidents on the same day, July 31st, 2016.

Life came to a standstill,  and will never be the same for them again. My heart has had a hard time trying to comprehend the sorrow and devastating accidents that occurred. I have been trying all week to wrap my heart around it all, and there are no words.

No words...... I remember when my mother was killed in a car accident in 1992. So many people cared and reached out. One thing I remember most though,  and I often repeated to my hubby, is that no matter what anyone said or did, they could not give me what I wanted .... they could not bring my mom back to me.  There were no words. There are no words.

But the presence of ones who love you and reach out to you, you do remember.  And the ones who prayed and brought you before the throne room of grace are your angels.

Tonight I remember Sydney Craft and Melissa Gibson for their beautiful smiles and beautiful hearts. My mother's heart can hardly bear the sorrow for their mother's hearts.

Love today, forgive today, enjoy today.... we are never guarenteed tomorrow.

What Sarah Palin Taught Me Today

Today I found myself in a setting with Sarah Palin. In fact, she was sitting right behind me as we were attending the same event.

She took the opportunity to stand up and share from her heart, something non political, something very dear about a very precious person who had been in her life.

As she was speaking and then sat down, I was overwhelmed with a conclusion that my heart deeply grasped.

It doesn't matter what side of the political banter you find yourself on. It doesn't matter if you agree or disagree with her. It doesn't matter what you think of her or her family.  What matters is: She knows who she is, what the Lord has called her to, and speaks from that assurance.  Oh, I am sure she is quite human like the rest of us and has her share of tears, and yet, she is confident in what she believes is right and walks it out in whatever setting she finds herself in.  She is not hindered by people's opinion. Those opinions do not control her.  She speaks freely and unashamed.

What a valuable lesson she taught me today. I want to live like that.

I Got The Best....

The year was 1966. I was just a 12 year old young adolescent entering 7th grade. Oh how exciting to be in Jr. High.

The first day of school we were assigned our homeroom teachers. I was given the gift of Mr. Schroer. Here are some memories I have from his homeroom class.

Current Events: We each had to take a turn getting in front of the class each quarter and give the latest news. There was no internet. No TV in Homer yet, and so we would go down to the only drug store in town, Homer Rexall, and buy the daily newspaper that was flown in from Anchorage. We wrote our news articles usually on 3x5 cards and stood in front of the class with our knees a knocking. 

Map Tests: We each had to know the names of the 50 states and their capitals, and each country of the world and their capitals.  The tests were given each quarter. If you got 100% the first quarter you didn't have to take the test again till the end of the year.

When he would give a test, sometimes the last question would be, how old do you think I am?  I remember once that my answer was 68 :(  I think he was 39.

Little Britches:  Every Friday Mr. Schroer would read to us. The book I remember the most is "Little Britches". We sat quietly in our wooden desks and listened as he read to us. My most vivid memory is when the young boy's father dies in the book. Mr. Schroer choked up and I know many of us had tears in our eyes too.

You see, Mr. Schroer made a lasting impression upon this young girl. He was strict. The strictess teacher in the school and you didn't play around in his classroom. He demanded respect and we gave it. He gave me such a love for history, because he loved history. We learned so much in his class.

Today I had the honor and priviledge to attend the ceremony that inducted him into the High School Hall of fame for his outstanding leadership as a coach and his contribution to Homer High. As I sat in the audience a flood of memories washed over me, as I again was that young adolesent so eager to be in Jr. High and so thankful that I was assigned to Mr. Schroer's homeroom. I got the best!

Trusting In His Grace

Three of my grandchildren are tucked quietly downstairs in our nice comfy queen size bed. Laundry is going and I have a few minutes to write what has been so deeply on my heart today.

As each passing year goes by, the pain and effects of divorce they experienced are still raw in this grandmother's heart.  They are such wonderful, well behaved, precious ones and yet I know they will have a lot to process in the years ahead. They will be strong I know, because they have a mother who is loving, strong and wonderful, and cries out to Jesus herself.

I am thinking back to my own childhood and the trauma that the divorce of my parents left on me. I walked through two divorces with my parents.  It is deeply felt and through the years I have had to forgive, and find the Lord's grace to walk me through the pain and complications of it all.

Divorce is ugly. Divorce is painful. Divorce is wounding.  It seems like in today's world, it is easy to throw away a marriage and find someone better or new or prettier or thinner or younger.....  I am in no way judging anyone. I am stating a fact. Divorce sucks no matter what the reason.  The ramifications of that choice bring ripple waves of damaging effects to all lives involved, like the aftermath of a tornado.

I know as my grandchildren grow and understand life more, that they will find the Lord's grace, just as I have, to forgive, and find healing for their hearts and souls. But I still weep for them.  I don't want my grandchildren to hurt.  I want to protect them. Yet, I recognize it is when we are hurting that we cry out to the Lord and He meets us as only He can. I know the Lord will be faithful to each of them, as He has been to me.

So I will rest in that as I lay my head on my pillow tonight full of prayers on their behalf.

Oh how I love them.....

The Choice Is Always Ours.....

I knew she saw me. And as I glanced her way and I caught her eye, her whole body language shouted out that she would prefer not to talk to me.

I had a choice to make in that moment. I could just go about what I was busy doing, or I could go over to her table and acknowledge her and be kind.   I choose the later. It was awkward but it was right. I knew it was what the Lord was asking of me.

I didn't even know until a few weeks ago that she had been offended by someone I love dearly. Even though the offense was a misunderstanding and not at all what she thought was portrayed.  She choose to still believe a lie and choose to live with an offense that wasn't there.

Years ago, a special older lady from Oregon, taught me a very valuable lesson. I was visiting her in her home and she shared that she had some people over the night before and one of the people visiting made a negative comment about her home. She told me, at the moment she choose not to be offended and let it go.

I've never forgotten those wise words from a very wise woman.

I know in my journey of life, that I too, have many times chosen to take up an offense. Sometimes the offense is real. Sometimes it was never meant to be an offense and was a misunderstanding, and I choose to take it up and simmer.  Either way, the Lord wants to bring healing to relationships. The choice is mine. The choice is yours.

We are all in process. We wound, we hurt and we offend in this journey of life.

In those offenses that need attention and confronting, yes, Scripture teaches us to go to one another.  To seek forgiveness and to forgive. In those misunderstandings that were never intended to be offenses, talk them out and go on too. Life is too short to hold on to things that were never meant to be negative.

We always have the choice on how we will respond.

There Is No Place Like Home.....

   

My hubby and I have had such a full and busy summer. Working long hours at each of our jobs. We set aside 10 days here in August for us to be together and get away and just rest and be. We were immensely looking forward to our time away from all our responsibilities and celebrating my 60th birthday as well as our 38th wedding anniversary.

Our adorable identical twin granddaughters turned one in the middle of our days off. So we headed to Portland hoping to find a hotel to stay there for a day or two and rest with a nice room and an outdoor pool. So, for not planning very well ahead, and not making any reservations,  little did we know that the Timbers soccer team would be hosting some large event with thousands of guests so there were no empty rooms in all of Portland or Vancouver :{ 

So we called up our son and said we are coming early :}  breaking our own rule of only staying 2 days with our kids, so we don't wear out our welcome. We felt like two little orphans with no where to go....:}   Mike and Laci were so gracious to us.

We had the opportunity to spend some time with our precious little girls while Mike and Laci both worked. They bring us so much joy and brightness to our lives. So precious. They are a lot of work too! I am definitely a firm believer in having your children while you are young and have the energy to keep up with them!  But we wouldn't trade the time with them and the memories in our hearts for anything.

We still had 5 days left to our vacation,  and a dear friend from work had offered us 3 days free of her parent's timeshare in Las Vegas. Wow, how wonderful. A free room and outside pool for 3 days. We took her up on it....

Needless to say, we are sitting in the Bellagio Hotel at their famous dinner buffet on my birthday and I started crying and said to my hubby "I just want to go home". Vegas was neither relaxing nor enjoyable for either of us. I wanted to click my red ruby slippers and find myself again in the comfort and security of my own home.

So we went back to our hotel room, looked up the flights for the next day and the flight to SEA had 124 OPEN seats :}  and we made our flight to ANC as being one of the last few people to get on. We snuck back into Anchorage early and enjoyed our last 3 days of vacation at home, sleeping and enjoying the quiet and just being. The only ones who knew we were here were our dear friends who had the key to our home and were keeping an eye on it for us. 

Turning 60 has been a pretty emotional issue for me. The age sounds old, and yet, I feel so young :} I was talking to someone on our trip about a mutual person we both know and wondering how old they were now. I said, "she was old when I was in high school".  We both started laughing. Old is all in the perspective. I am sure she was only in her 40's when I thought she was quite old.

Just reminded again on the brevity of life and to make our lives count. I want to cherish each day, give what I can, and follow the Lord Jesus with all my heart. Days are passing quickly and I want to live each day to the fullest...

So now we are both back into the reality of life again. The 10 days have gone by fast.  There are people to love, people that need us. People that need you.  May we remember that life is so fleeting and may we live it with purpose and intent.

Next vacation: be purposeful, reservations will be made, positive space seats will be reserved on the flights and no more than 2 days with family..... so at least I have good goals ahead :}

No matter where we go though, there still is no place like home.....

Mirror Mirror On The Wall

 Romans 7:15-16 (The Message)

What I don't understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise.  So if I can't be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God's command is necessary. 

Taking a good look in the mirror of myself this week, I come so short of what the Lord asks of me. I have found myself becoming  like someone I never want to be. 

My responses to inconveniences and some tasks that have been put before me, have fallen short of being graceful.

I recognize that no matter what comes my way,  my response is always my choice. So, in knowing that and failing quite frequently, I am burying myself in God's Word again and asking for a fresh touch of His Spirit upon my life. 

It is He that gives me the grace to respond correctly. It is not within myself. May I hear His gentle voice within my desperate  heart each time the choice of how I respond is presented before me. 

I know He is and will always be faithful to me. It is my steps of obedience to His voice that will "get me there" to become the person, the woman that is in my heart to be.

The Dimming Of An Era

Yesterday many of all ages gathered to say goodbye to a dear and precious man. One who had lived a good and active life, left a wonderful legacy, and had some hard physical last years.

I remember Brantley Edens as being a rock and a stable person from my childhood. He was gentle, kind, soft spoken, faithful, and was just always there. Someone you could count on.

Brant and Joan reached out to my family so many years ago and invested in us.  They mentored my young parents when they first became Christians. They had us over to their home, all 10 of us. The size of our family didn't frighten them away.

As I looked around the room at all the ones who had come to honor this wonderful man, I realized that a part of an era of my childhood is dimming. The ones I looked up to and were always there and solid rocks in my life, are becoming fewer and fewer. Many of them have gone now and only a few remain here on earth still...

It is a sobering thought to realize that now I am finding myself in the same place that I placed these ones in my life so long ago. I am their age and even older then they were, when they entered my life in the late 1960's. 

The torch is being passed to the next generation and to the next. May I be faithful, as these have been and clearly lived their lives with integrity before me.

Thank you Brantley for who you were in my life and the example you were to every life you touched.

The Middle Seat

Flying home from PDX to ANC, I got an empty seat. A middle one. A seat is a seat, it gets you to where you want to go, so I was thrilled to get on the first flight of the evening. I am so thankful for the benefits of working for Alaska Airlines!

I settled in, put my bag under the seat in front of me and began to read a new book I had gotten this weekend. "What Your Childhood Memories Say About you" by Dr. Kevin Leman.

All of a sudden the Lord brought back to me a memory from my past that I had forgotten about for at least 50 years.... It was a painful memory.... One that I knew the Lord wanted to touch and one that out of His deep love for me, wanted me to see the implications of that memory and how it has affected my life today. 

What an incredible faithful God we serve. I am not one to drum up things and make things happen. I am always more on the "cautious" side of life. But I know, that I know, this was a "God moment".

So here I am squeezed in between two strangers and the tears are running down my cheeks like a river. I then, found my IPHONE, put my earphones in and turned on my ITUNES so I could just shut my eyes and listen to the worship songs minister to my heart and soul....

I am still processing the memory and wanting to glean all that the Lord longs for me to see through it.  He will be and is so faithful to heal, restore, and redeem the brokenness's of our lives. I love following Jesus. 

In A Moment's Time....

Tears are in my eyes as I write this post.  My dear high school friend Frank Hatfield died yesterday. My heart is trying to comprehend the news...  He had just written a post on my face book just a few days ago.

We graduated in 1972 and lost contact. It was just a year or two ago that we connected again through face book.

Frank was my neighbor.  He probably lived 4-5 miles from my home, but in Alaska that is what we call neighbors. We rode the same bus to school for 7 years and shared the same bus stop.

Frank was gentle and kind and had a sweet spirit. I can still see his smile and hear his gentle laughter.

One memory I have of him that makes me smile is when we were seniors.  He wanted to take me to the high school prom and my parents didn't allow me to go to dances. He kept telling me he was going to go ask my dad and I kept asking him to please don't, because I know my dad would not allow me to go. He never asked my dad because of my wishes,  but I will always remember his persistence :}

Life is so fragile. In a moment's time, it is gone. My heart weeps because of the loss of my dear friend. Childhood friends hold places in your heart forever.

I loved you Frank Hatfield.....

Little hearts, little bodies, fathomless love.....

Looking at the twins laying in each of their isolates in the NICU, my heart swells.... What miracles I am beholding.  They are so tiny and so perfect and I could hold them forever....

Watching Mike and Laci care for them has been a pure joy, to see the love and tenderness in their hearts for these two girls, gifts fresh from heaven.

Oh Lord you have been good, so good to us. Your incredible faithfulness has been proven over and over again in our lives.  Even when I hesitate to trust You, You are still faithful.

Tomorrow we head back to Alaska. So grateful I have a job that gives us the opportunities to travel. Wish I could take those cherubs home with me, but know they are not mine to take :} 

Oh, my grandmother heart longs for each of my grandchildren to know the Lord and walk with Him and to love people and to love life....I wish I could shield them from the pains and disappointments of this world, but I know I can't. I do know that the Lord's grace can and will be there for each of them every moment they need, along with this grandmother's prayers.....

There really is nothing like the heart of a grandmother.....

Friends are Friends Forever....

Last week I was able to pull off a great surprise. I flew to Portland for less than 24 hours and surprised my dear friend for her 60th birthday. We are both hard to surprise at our age, but it was accomplished and that was half the fun. Her husband was in on the surprise and picked me up at the airport.

Laughter, tears, sharing our hearts, praying, having a special dinner and saying " I really can't believe we are sitting here together" was a wonderful cherished evening. A gift to both our hearts...

I am thankful that the Lord allowed the seats to be opened on the two flights I needed to get there and the two flights home. Also grateful for the gals who covered my shifts so I could go.

Friendships are to be cherished. May we each take the time to let those friends know we love them and don't take them for granted. They are gifts.....precious gifts....

The Roller Coaster

I don't like roller coasters. In fact the older I get, the more I despise them.  I have been on a few (in my young years when life seemed invincible) and they are frightening and you wonder if you are going to survive the next uphill climb or descent. Is the wheel going to fall off? When you go around the next corner at an enormously sharp speed will the wheels come off the track and you plummet to the ground 500 feet below? When you are upside down and twisting around, will the seat belt come loose?  All these thoughts have gone through my mind.


In these last months I have felt like I have been on a fast paced roller coaster. My emotions have been frightening and I have wondered if I would survive as I climb again and again another steep incline up another mountain with a different name. The next thing I knew, I was going around a sharp fast curve and wondering if I would fall out....


June 2nd, 2013, after a "long goodbye", my daddy enter the gates of heaven. 

 

He was diagnosed with Mesothelioma in November of 2010.  It was very emotional and hard to watch his very painful long drawn out death. All 8 of his children were able to come and visit him in the last 2 years  and to say those things we needed to say. He was faithful to the end and now he is with my mom in heaven. Grief is an interesting emotion. Each of us walk through it and each of us walk through it differently. There is no right or wrong way to walk this path. It is an odd feeling to realize we can't go home again. My parents are gone. We are orphans. So thankful that the Lord is our Heavenly Father and will be there for us. My favorite memory will be the one when I last saw him, laying in the hospital bed, with his eyes closed, and some of my siblings and I sang the hymn "In The Garden". We choked through the song but we made it... Precious memories for this daughter to carry in my heart. That was the last time I saw him alive on this earth. I honor him and thank him for the legacy he leaves behind to us all. May we be faithful.

Just one week later, my beautiful baby girl, married the man she has been waiting for her whole life. She waited for the best. She was a beautiful, radiant bride and was glowing all evening. I cried a lot. Happy tears for her happiness and the faithfulness of the Lord to answer the deep cries of my daughter's heart. In my roller coaster of emotions I had a "moment" of not walking in the Lord's grace during the wedding dinner rehearsal. :(  My forgiving bride-to-be daughter, in her grace, forgave me, and onward we went. So much to learn from her.  I pray for the Lord's grace to cover them as they begin their journey together. I am so happy for them both.





 Today, two days after the precious wedding, my oldest daughter had to hand her children over to "strangers" for 3 weeks in Anchorage, per custody court order. Needless to say, there were more tears. The picture below was taken an hour before she had to drop them off. There is so much pain in the process and journey of divorce, and especially when children are involved. All I can do as a grandmother is get on my face before the Lord and ask Him to cover their  tender little hearts with His grace.




In August we will welcome Ella Jean and Emma Leann to our family with great joy. We are elated for our son Mike and his wife, Laci. We will soon have five grandchildren.:)



Roller coaster emotions.... The feeling of incredible sadness at the loss of my dad. The wonderful, happy, elated feelings of joy at the wedding of our baby girl and her new husband, Brian. The deep sadness and pain at walking our grandchildren with their mother to "drop' them off for 3 weeks, to a place they did not want to go... My heart physically hurt at that pain. The emotion of joy as we await the arrival of two new little ones...

Life is full. Full of unknowns, full of laughter, full of tears, full of emotions and full of GRACE. I have needed His grace more than ever these last few months in my life. Seems like I have walked in the "flesh" more than in His Spirit. That is no one else's fault then mine. I am always responsible for my own actions and reactions. My roller coaster has made some sharp fast paced turns these last months. I haven't always passed the test, in fact, I have failed many of them but I want to pass. So, as I lay my head on my pillow tonight, and wake up again tomorrow, I will be given a new day. Fresh, a gift from heaven to me, to find His grace again and again.

A Grandmother's Instant Reaction

Today, I was checking in a young child, who was flying to another state, to spend the summer with another parent.

As the child's face was all red from crying and their eyes were filled with tears because they didn't want to leave, I felt the tears well up in my own eyes and roll down and it was an instant reaction in this grandmother's heart.

How did I explain to complete strangers my reaction: Just that I understood.

In just a week my 3 precious grandchildren will begin to experience this same dramatic tearing as they board a plane to stay with "another" parent for a season and probably many seasons to come throughout their young lives.

I am reminded of the phrase from the Parent Trap with Haley Mills "like His and Her Towels"....

I know the Lord's grace can cover them and will cover them and YET, this grandmother's heart aches for them.

I remember now....

1. The smell of green grass freshly mowed

2. Baby cows so little and wobbly out in the fields

3. Make-up melting in the car in the heat

4.  The beauty of a blossoming pink dogwood tree

5.  Air-conditioning

6.  Freeway traffic

7. Cheaper prices

8. The warmth of a precious friend who is hurting

9.  Clean cars

10.  And finally, a HUG from my dearest friend....

These are a few of the things I experienced today....You are faithful Lord!